


You and I Are 0 Mile, You're Just Not Mine

by honEy D (nitori_chan_san)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: ? - Freeform, Acting Like Someone Else, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blindfolds, DoYu/DoTa, DoYuTae share an appartment, I've developed a love for DoYu lately, M/M, Porn With Plot, Roommates, Smut, University AU, Unrequited Love, but it's barely mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-17
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-30 23:34:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12119712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nitori_chan_san/pseuds/honEy%20D
Summary: Yuta loves Doyoung.Doyoung loves Taeyong.YutaisTaeyong.And so, even in just this moment, they’re in love with each other.Somehow Yuta wished he was wearing a blindfold as well, so that he didn’t have to see the blush on the younger’s face, nor the way he bit down on his bottom lip, nor his body, that he had dreamt about so many times before.





	You and I Are 0 Mile, You're Just Not Mine

**Author's Note:**

> As the tags say, I wrote this on a whim, so don't expect too much of it. I just had to write it out of my system and it's more word vomit than anything else. (8k of porn though lmao)  
> I love doyu.  
> ~enjoy, lovelies

_“Hyung, I think nobody really understands you. You don’t let them in easily. But, in my opinion, if they don’t try, then they’re not worth it. I think you’re different than people think you are. You can be nice when you want, thoughtful even. Sometimes, I feel angry when you act differently than you are and people judge you over that.”_

_A pause_

_“Honestly, Yuta-hyung, sometimes I think that I’m very lucky having you in my life.”_

_Yuta looked at Doyoung in awe. Mouth open, his eyes tearing up unwillingly as the words settled deep inside his stomach, spreading a warm feeling through his body. He turned to face his friend, who in return was facing_ him  _on the bed on the other side of the room. He was sending him a soft smile, eyes affectionate and appreciating. Yuta just felt like he was floating._

_His day had been a nightmare and he had been tense all week. When Doyoung asked him to come and talk to him, he hadn’t expected this. He never expected Doyoung to encourage him in the most perfect way, being there for him when he needed it the most. Knowing him. Trying to know him. Thanking him for being a good friend and actually being happy that he was part of his life._

_Nobody had done this or said this to him before._

_It was all Yuta needed to fall in love right there and then._

* * *

 

Large, soft hands grazed his skin from the back. Fingertips trailing featherlight touches up his sides. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, just his pajama bottoms that were a grey-blue with thin white vertical stripes. His bare feet -sometimes, when the hands hit a ticklish spot, only his toes- touched the wooden floor, but it wasn’t cold. How could he feel cold in  _his_ arms? He let out a soft breath, enjoying the feeling of his friend touching him so intimately like this, something that had only seemed possible in his wildest dreams.

Lips touched his nape and a chill ran down his spine, making goosebumps appear over his entire body. The lips moved sideways to his shoulder, barely touching the skin, leaving behind a dry trail. Then his crush’s mouth opened and moved upwards to his neck. His chest exploded with a fluttery feeling, warming his core and setting his nerves on fire. He tipped back his head a little to give the other better access and tried to calm down his racing heart and irregular breathing.

“Taeyong.”

It was said with a longing, rough voice against his skin, tongue leaving a stripe of saliva on his neck, hands coming to a rest at his hips and pulling him gently against  _his_  chest. He shivered, but the fluttery feeling became a little empty and he closed his eyes to fight away the nauseating, borderline heartbreaking feeling in his chest.

Because he wasn’t Taeyong.

He felt the soft, silky fabric of the black blindfold against his cheek, rubbing his skin tauntingly, like it knew it made him feel worse with every passing second.

He still reached back with his hand and went through the other’s black strands with his fingers. He pulled a little, teasingly, and in return the grip on his hips tightened. He could feel his crush’s erection through his boxers against his ass slash lower back due to the height difference and unwillingly it turned him on as well.

He had promised to play along, waving his hand dismissively as he promised that, no, he didn’t mind since it had been his own idea after all and he was longing for some sexual activity anyway.

But as soon as he had tied the blindfold behind Doyoung’s head, over his eyes, nothing but regret had filled him. He kept quiet of course. Doyoung wouldn’t want to hurt him, and he didn’t want the other to hurt in the knowledge that he was in fact hurting him, how confusing that may sound.

It didn’t just hurt him. It tore him apart. He wanted the other’s attention to himself, his affection directed at _him_ and _him alone_. Not at an image of someone else that was definitely  _not_  him. But the hurt was good in way as well. He already knew the love was unrequited, so why not get the best thing out of this? Having sex with your long time crush should be something exciting right?

Apparently he had judged wrongly, because it wasn’t a dream. It was a nightmare. 

It made him feel insecure and made him wonder... Why not him?

Maybe if he had been a little nicer to Doyoung instead of constantly starting a fight or bicker, maybe if he was a little more awkward and nerdy, a little more caring and responsible.

A little prettier…

Would that have made Doyoung fall in love with  _him_ instead of with Taeyong?

Or was it just meant to be this way?

His thoughts were disrupted when Doyoung rolled his hips against him, not knowing about his inner battle, and gasped right against his neck.

“T-Taeyong-hyung.”

“Just call me Taeyong,” he said back in a whisper, trying to make his voice sound a little softer than normally, a little more raspy.

It worked, because Doyoung whimpered and bucked his hips. That last part was unexpected and so he couldn’t help but let out a whimper himself.

Lips were now right under his jaw and kissing the skin there roughly, Doyoung’s hands firmly on his hips, pulling him back a little harder. He had to bite his lip to refrain more sounds from escaping.

“Let’s go to the bed, Dongyoung,” he whispered again.

Doyoung stopped his ministrations for a second, drawing slow circles on his hips.

“Are you sure about this, Yuta-hyung? I don’t want to-“

But Yuta didn't want to hear it, he didn't want Doyoung to break this illusion. Right now he wasn't Yuta, right now he was Taeyong.

Right now he was the one Doyoung loves.

So he turned around in the other’s hold and pressed his lips against Doyoung’s, wrapping his arms around his neck. He was somehow happy he lost a little weight again, since Taeyong’s build was a little smaller. Before Doyoung could push him away, he moved his lips back.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Dongyoung, I don’t want to hear  _his_ name when I’m with you. Now say my name.”

He knew how to change his voice, it being easier when whispering, and Doyoung, who couldn't see him, fell for it. Or rather, he  _wanted_ to fall for it, because deep inside he, too, knows he’s lying to himself.

“Yu-“

“Say  _my_  name!” Yuta hissed quietly, setting his nails into the back of Doyoung’s neck.

“T-Taeyong!” Doyoung said out loud. It sounded desperate. Too desperate and Yuta wondered how long the younger has been in love with his pink haired friend. He said it was just a crush, but it’s so obvious that it’s more than that.

The way he was kissing Yuta now said it all. It was soft, terribly soft, lips moving together, suckling and nipping happening, but gently. And it drove Yuta insane. The flutters were back in his stomach, butterflies swarming around and leaving a trail of tingles all over his body. It was full of emotion, he could  _feel_  the love through it.

Yuta loves Doyoung.

Doyoung loves Taeyong.

Yuta  _is_  Taeyong.

And so, even in just this moment, they’re in love with each other.

Somehow Yuta wished he was wearing a blindfold as well, so that he didn’t have to see the blush on the younger’s face, nor the way he bit down on his bottom lip, nor his body, that he had dreamt about so many times before.

 

* * *

 

_Yuta watched Doyoung from the corner of his eyes while sucking on the straw that was in his iced americano. He and Taeyong were bickering. But it was a playful bicker and Taeyong shoved Doyoung away while laughing._

_It was a pretty sound, even Yuta had to admit that and he could practically see Doyoung’s heart skip a beat from his position at the table._

_Taeyong walked away with a shake of his head, a light smile on his face. He waved at Yuta too, who put his hand up and waved back with his fingers moving separately. When Taeyong had finally left the room, Doyoung let himself fall in the seat opposite of Yuta._

_“You’re being way too obvious,” Yuta said nonchalantly. Doyoung flinched._

_“What?” and his brows were furrowed in annoyance. It was a familiar sight, since that was the only way Doyoung looked at him._

_“Your crush. On our precious roommate.”_

_Doyoung’s eyes widened for a split second before his face turned into a scowl. “Go annoy someone else hyung, I’m not in the mood.”_

_Yuta shrugged. “When are you ever in a good mood? Who knows Dongsu, maybe he feels the same.” The nickname was said in a slightly mocking way._

_Doyoung let out a defeated sigh. “I don’t have a crush on Taeyong-hyung. I’m not even gay.”_

_Yuta let out a laugh at that and leaned back in his chair with a smirk. “We shared a room, remember. You might think you’re oh so quiet, but please, I’m not deaf. I’m still traumatized at you jerking off and saying his name when you come.”_

_The table was hit not all too softly and Doyoung’s face was completely red. “Shut up!” He was definitely angry now. “Don’t you dare tell-“_

_Yuta raised a brow “Tell Taeyong? Anyone? Wow, I knew you thought low of me, but never that low.” But it wasn’t surprising. They bickered every day. Sure, they were good friends, grew closer over time. However, it still hurt when other people thought he was a senseless person. Someone who spills secrets easily. It was almost like people didn’t trust him, while he had never done something to betray their trust in the first place._

_He took another sip of his coffee, but it tasted a little more bitter._

_“It’s not that. it’s just a terribly sensitive topic,” Doyoung said almost nervously. Yuta didn’t know why he even found it endearing._   

_“It’s okay,” Yuta said dismissively, “I can relate.”_

_Doyoung’s eyes widened in surprise. He looked around and bowed over the table. “You? Nakamoto Yuta? You don’t mean… you like men?” He asked in awe._

_Yuta shrugged. “Why is it even an issue? In our dance team I’m around gorgeous men every fucking day. Why would I look at girls? Girls are pretty, yes sure, but I don’t have time for them. Why make it harder than it is?”_

_Doyoung slumped back in his chair tiredly. “Fuck this, seriously.”_

_“You top or bottom?”_

_If Doyoung would’ve been drinking something he would’ve definitely done a spit-take. His red cheeks made Yuta laugh. “Geez it’s just a question, come on Dongsu, tell oppa what you like.”_

_“Don’t ever say that to me again,” Doyoung hissed._

_“So?”_

_Doyoung mumbled something. Yuta couldn’t hear._

_“I didn’t quite get that,” he said teasingly._

_“Top.”_

_And Yuta felt his whole body heat up at the words. It’s not that it surprised him, but… well it surprised him. He didn’t expect Doyoung to give him a serious answer at all. Grimly he thought that this fact would definitely make an appearance in his dreams._

_“Cool,” he just said, drinking some more._

_“You?” Doyoung asked after a moment of silence._

_Yuta hesitated for a moment. “I don’t know, both? I mean fucking someone seems fun, but I guess taking it up the ass has its appeals as well.” At the last part he couldn’t help but look right into Doyoung’s eyes, intensifying his gaze. He saw Doyoung gulp. Well, apparently he wasn’t the only one affected by the conversation. Only for Doyoung is was lust. For him there were feelings involved._

_“Oh,” Doyoung just simply said._

_Yuta bit his lip as he asked his next question. “What do you think Taeyong likes?” He didn’t even know why he asked the bold question. The shy expression that crossed his friend’s face disgusted him. But it was quickly replaced by an intense jealousy._

_“It doesn’t matter," Doyoung said, his eyes a little sad._

_“Why? for all you know he likes you back. Or maybe he doesn’t, but wants to fuck anyway?”_

_“Fuck you, Yuta.”_

_“I wouldn’t mind.” The words left his lips without thinking and while Doyoung just snorted, he felt his own cheeks heat up. He definitely needed to get a grip on himself._

_“He’s straight,” Doyoung suddenly muttered without looking at Yuta. “I saw him jerking off to some straight porn one day. There’s no way he’s gay or bi.”_

_Ah so that was how it was._

_For a moment it made Yuta actually feel good. It was terribly selfish, but at least Taeyong wouldn’t have him. If Yuta couldn’t have him, then neither could Taeyong. Yuta knew that if Doyoung and Taeyong would ever start something close to a romantic relationship, he would leave. There was only so much he could take._

_He watched Doyoung’s awkward and irritated expression and couldn’t help but feel a little bad. He didn’t like to see Doyoung like this. Doyoung was someone who deserved everything he desired. Yuta was a selfish person, but if it concerned Doyoung's feelings he could be a little selfless if he wanted._

_So he reached over the table and poked Doyoung’s cheek. “His loss really.”_

_The corners of Doyoung’s mouth twitched upwards and it was totally unfair that when their eyes met, Yuta’s heart skipped a beat, but Doyoung’s didn’t._

* * *

 

“Fuck me,” he whispered. “That’s all I want right now, Dongyoung.”

And Doyoung practically whined at the words, because Yuta never called him that, but Taeyong did.

Yuta quickly took the other's hand and guided him backwards until his own calves hit the mattress. When Doyoung pushed his chest softly and Yuta let himself fall back on the bed easily, the anticipation left him breathless.

He watched how Doyoung felt the mattress with his hands to make sure he was actually on the bed and then the younger crawled forward, awkwardly over his legs. Yuta made sure to guide him until his own head was on the white, fluffy pillow and until Doyoung was hovering above him, hands on either side of his face, straddling his hips

His hand caressed Yuta’s face and the latter smiled sadly at the black silk that covered Doyoung’s eyes. Not a second later Doyoung leaned down to capture his lips. They don’t speak, but that’s all right. That way they can feel everything. Doyoung pried his mouth open and their tongues met, the blindfold touching the bridge of Yuta's nose.

He wrapped his legs around Doyoung’s waist, pressing his heels down on the other’s thighs and Doyoung gasped in his mouth, bucking his hips forward again and again. Yuta had difficulties adjusting his moans to what he thinks would sound like Taeyong’s. Apparently he did a nice enough of a job, because Doyoung sat up and started roaming his hands over Yuta’s chest. His nipples were thumbed and Yuta bit his fist to stop the sounds from coming out.

“D-don’t,” Doyoung said as his hands moved down his body and stopped at the hem of his pajama pants. “Don’t hold back your voice.”

Yuta wanted to hit him, telling him he was a fucking idiot, because he would obviously sound like Yuta, someone he was not supposed to be right now.

But instead he said a soft “Okay.” Doyoung quickly removed his pants with trembling hands. Yuta practiced to sound like Taeyong. The first time he had tried it -when he was alone under the shower- he had felt completely embarrassed and a little disgusted with himself, but with the days he became more confident in acting like his fellow 95-liner.

 

* * *

 

_“We could fuck,” Yuta opted casually one day as he and Doyoung were doing the dishes. Taeyong had left an hour ago, preparing for replacing someone in the swim team who had fallen down the stairs and suffered from some broken bones, Yuta didn’t remember which. Since Taeyong was basically talented at everything, they asked him to fill in for the relay._

_Which meant he and Doyoung were alone at night at least until half past eleven._

_Doyoung stopped scrubbing the plates and looked at him incredulously, his cheeks a pink hue. Yuta found it cute._

_“W-what are you even saying. We don’t like each other.”_

_Ouch._

_Okay that one fucking hurt._

_But Yuta was quite a good actor, at least at hiding his true emotions, so he just shrugged while taking the plate out of Doyoung’s stilled hands._

_“Ever heard of friends with benefits? I mean, I don’t want to fuck random people I barely know, which is basically what the gay scene in uni is all about currently . And I know you can use some action as well. it’s logic, Dongsu, logic.” He couldn’t help but look at Doyoung expectantly._

_Doyoung didn’t look at him and kept silent for a while._

_“I don’t think I can. I-I don’t want…” and he took a deep breath, “I don’t want Taeyong to see me like that… accidentally.”_

_That pissed Yuta off. More than slightly. “What the fuck? Are you serious? The chance that he sees us is literally zero.” And he connected the tips of his thumb and index finger to make it more clear. “And why do you keep holding yourself back for his sake? He’s straight, you said so yourself…”_

_“I-I love him, hyung!” Doyoung said back irritably and this time he did look at Yuta. Doyoung’s expression was desperate as he continued. “You don’t understand how it is to love someone who can never love you back. He- he means the world to me and I can’t imagine doing things with someone else other than him.”_

_Love. The words were like a slap in the face and Yuta had to momentarily close his eyes to let the awful, empty feeling wash over him. Frustration came with it as well, because Doyoung had absolutely no right to think he was the only one suffering from unrequited love._

_But he wouldn’t say that of course._

_Instead he balled his fists. In contrast with that he sent his friend a playful, intense gaze._

_“I can be Taeyong.”_

_For you. Everything to have you._

_“W-what?”_

_Yuta laid down the drying towel on the kitchen counter and leaned against it with his hip. He licked his lips out of nervousness. “Not literally, of course. But I can act like I’m him.”_

_“But you don’t look-“_

_Yuta let out a bitter laugh, but quickly masked it as a mocking one. “Ever heard of closing your eyes? I think a blindfold would work too. And I’m basically the closest to Taeyong’s height and figure than anyone else you know. I won’t talk, and you can imagine me being whoever you want.”_

_Doyoung’s mouth opened and closed a few times. Yuta was shocked at his own desperateness. But as he was talking, he actually started to believe it could work._

_“You’re actually serious about this?” Doyoung almost squeaked and Yuta rolled his eyes._

_“I’m quite offended you don’t think I’m good-looking enough to fuck, but yes I’m dead serious.” As the younger looked at him a little hesitantly and suspiciously, he quickly added, “Hey I’m doing this so we can both get what we want. I get my dose of sex, you get yours WITH Taeyong. Or not really, but you know what I mean.”_

_“I-I need to think about it.”_

_***_

_From that moment, Yuta started to observe Taeyong. He looked at unconscious moves, speaking pattern, intonation of his voice, accessories he wore daily and he could go on. It was easy to observe, harder to actually bring it to action. He found himself often in front of the mirror, watching himself and looking at what he could actually change about himself._

_Yuta had always been pretty confident, but somehow he started to hate looking at his reflection the more he tried to be someone else._

_The first time they kissed was terribly awkward. He could practically feel Doyoung’s hand trembling against his hip. It was a little more than a peck, because their lips were in fact moving. But it was not the kiss Yuta had desired to give him._

_The softness of Doyoung’s lips was driving him insane and made him feel terribly uncomfortable somehow. But there was no turning back._

_Doyoung was wearing an ugly scarf over his eyes, one that his mother had accidentally left behind when she last visited. It did the job, but it kept sliding down over their noses and Yuta swore he would buy a proper blindfold._

_If Doyoung wanted to continue._

_When there was absolutely no improvement in Doyoung’s confidence, he decided to do something about it himself and took the younger’s hands in his own and brought them up higher on his waist. Since it was exam period, Taeyong had lost a little weight. It was pretty obvious, but not really surprising either, since their pink haired roommate had always been sensitive to stress._

_It meant that Yuta had to lose some weight as well. He was glad both Taeyong and he were dancers, which meant the way their muscles were built were quite similar. Doyoung’s hands were a little curious as they felt up his sides, following his the curves of his body._

_“Y-you have such a nice figure.”_

_And Yuta’s chest exploded with butterflies at the compliment. It was the first time Doyoung had really spoken, had really started to play along with this borderline sick game. Yuta pressed himself against Doyoung’s chest and caressed his face, making him feel the bracelet and ring Taeyong had been wearing today. They weren’t the actual same, but it did the job. Before he connected their lips again, Yuta whispered,_

_“I’m glad you like it, Dongyoung.”  And he was happy that it sounded at least a little like Taeyong. Practice definitely made perfect._

_“Taeyong.”_

_And Yuta pressed his lips harshly against Doyoung’s, shutting his eyes tightly. This had been his own idea, his own fault. It felt good, no it felt amazing, being like this with his long time crush, but it was harder than he had thought._

* * *

 

“D-did you work out?” Doyoung nearly squeaked as, after removing Yuta’s bottoms, he moved his hands back up over his abs. Yuta felt a spark of pleasure at the words, because, yes, he had worked out. Taeyong picking up swimming had been a blessing and a curse at the same time. The other had developed different muscles in a short amount of time and Yuta had difficulties catching up with them. Luckily Doyoung didn’t know a lot about muscles and sports, so just working on his abs was enough for now.

He smirked as he put his own hands on Doyoung’s chest, skimming over a nipple with the ring that adorned his middle finger. Just like Taeyong was wearing.

“You know what swimming does with my body.”

And Doyoung groaned at the words and bucked his hips down harshly, tearing a gasp right from Yuta’s mouth.

The latter took one of Doyoung’s hands and guided it lower. “You know what else swimming does for my body?” He hummed lowly. Doyoung shook his head. And then Yuta guided Doyoung’s hand to one of his hairless legs. It had been awkward to shave his legs and he had been doing it for two weeks now to make sure the red, irritated spots wouldn’t be there when Doyoung touched him.

He practically  _felt_ Doyoung’s body reacting to it. The other hand, that wasn’t gripping his thigh, reached for Yuta’s face and once it found its spot, he bowed down to kiss Yuta deeply. Yuta was shocked at how rough and needy the kiss was with Doyoung’s tongue plunging in his mouth, skimming over the roof of his mouth and lips pressing hard against his.

He was having Doyoung’s undivided attention and for now he wanted to enjoy it. He loved how Doyoung was practically claiming him on the spot, so unlike his usual character, his hand leaving bruising touches over his legs.

“You’re  _so_ good to me hyung,” the younger said, when he pulled back. “Only for me.”

Yuta keened at the words, his face flushing as the flattering words made his body feel a little lighter. “It’s just for swimming purposes,” Yuta teased, but Doyoung quickly pulled down both of their underwear and lifted up one of Yuta’s legs, kissing the inside of his thigh.

“Don’t lie to me, Taeyong. You like it like this, don’t you?”

Yuta moaned as the kiss turned into a bite. He was incredibly glad Doyoung couldn’t actually see him, because the vulnerable position he was in felt almost embarrassing.

“O-Of course Dongyoungie.” And he gasped as Doyoung started kissing upwards and placed a kiss on the tip of his cock. “Only for you!”

You’re all I want.

Yuta’s whole body shook when Doyoung started stroking his cock. He watched as his long fingers wrapped around the base and slowly pulled downwards. It was one thing to  _imagine_  Doyoung doing this to him, it was a whole other thing when he was actually  _touching_  him.

“J-just fuck me baby,” Yuta whispered, his head thrown back. And Doyoung let go of his cock almost immediately and his hands wandered downwards and searched for a way to lift them up. Yuta saw his struggles and breathed out a laugh.

“Let me.”

And he lifted one of his legs up and laid his ankle on Doyoung’s shoulder. He quickly reached over to his night stand, where the little bottle of lube was lying. In the meantime his other leg followed and Yuta took hold of the the younger’s hand and guided it towards his ass. Doyoung was shaking a little. Probably from nerves and anticipation. Yuta was focused on his task and didn’t stop until the tip of Doyoung’s finger touched his entrance.

“There,” he whispered.

“Can I?” Doyoung asked carefully. Yuta uncapped the bottle and put it in Doyoung's hand who miraculously, between his trembling, could coat his fingers with the cold substance

“I already prepared myself for you,” Yuta said back seductively. “Start with two. Don’t be shy, I like it a little rough.”

“Fuck, Taeyong, fuck.”

And Doyoung of course started with only one finger, but once he felt like the hole was already stretched enough, he quickly added another.

In the meantime Yuta had trouble steadying his breathing. Doyoung’s fingers were  _so_ long and felt  _so_ strong inside of him, it was driving him insane. Yuta had always admired his friend’s hands and he wasn’t disappointed when they moved in and out his ass with a steady rhythm, touching places his own could never reach.

A few hours ago, without Doyoung’s knowledge, he had prepared himself with a vibrator for this moment. It had been rather awkward and painful to do, since he had never used it before and the aim hadn’t been exactly right. But it had definitely done his job, his hole now stretched and his walls used to having something big inside. He had thought about Doyoung fucking him raw when he had turned on the vibrator. It was embarrassing how fast he had come, his crush’s name on his lips as he had roughly fisted his own cock.

As the two digits brushed against the bundle of nerves inside of him for the third time, Yuta put his hand on Doyoung’s wrist.

“E-enough, I’m ready.”

“You sure, Tae? I could-“

“No, just-“

“Fuck you?” came the cheeky reply and Yuta couldn’t help but smile.

“Yeah.”

Even the pleasure of the vibrating toy couldn’t prepare him for the absolute  _bliss_ when Doyoung entered him after removing his fingers and finding his entrance again with his lubed-up cock. He was longer than average, quite big, and it stretched his walls in the most pleasant way. it knocked all the breath out of him.

“God, Taeyong,” Doyoung moaned. Yuta’s knees were almost against his chest and Doyoung was leaning over him, holding the back of his thighs tightly to keep him into place. “A-are you sure you prepared? You’re so… f-fuck, so tight.”

Yuta saw his own cock leaking precum at the words and he quickly wrapped his arms around Doyoung’s neck. He lifted up his head so that their mouths were almost touching.

“You’re just so big, even my vibrator couldn’t prepare me for that.”

Doyoung groaned right against his mouth, his hips finally moving and Yuta loved the way he could make Doyoung lose control like that, even if the other was thinking about somebody else.

Doyoung started to kiss him hotly while drawing back and pushing his cock back inside Yuta’s heat. Yuta gasped and tried to move his own hips upwards to meet Doyoung’s thrusts.

It felt amazing and Yuta’s body was on fire. He had never felt so much pleasure before. He didn’t care about being vocal anymore, because Doyoung was praising him for his ‘pretty sounds’. The younger’s lips moved downwards to his neck and he bit down, sucking a hicky right on the spot. It made Yuta feel like he was actually  _his._

His neck was peppered with kisses and the lips went higher to kiss his sharp jawline.

And then Doyoung licked his ear as he thrusted inside roughly.

But Yuta’s heart stopped at that exact moment, and not because of the pleasure, but because of a blind panic as he felt Doyoung’s tongue skip over his piercings.

Piercings Taeyong didn’t have.

And Doyoung must’ve realized it as well because he stopped moving. Yuta felt tears prickle his eyes. He had done fucking _everything_ to be Taeyong. He sounded like him, acted like him, and yet Doyoung could still easily pick out his flaws like that.

And it hurt. It wasn’t fair.

“I-I’m sorry, I- I’ll remove them,” he said desperately, the act lost and forgotten. His hands were trembling and he removed them from Doyoung’s neck to his own ear. He fumbled a bit, not able to concentrate. Doyoung was twitching inside him, still not moving. It felt like cold hearted rejection.

“Yuta…”

“No! Shut up!” Yuta said, “I’ll remove them.” Then he let out a frustrated wheeze. “Fuck! Why aren’t they coming off.” He felt his tears threatening to fall. He fucked up, he was ruining everything with his carelessness.

“Why don’t they come off?” He whispered and he felt a few tears leaking from his eyes, wetting his cheeks.

Suddenly Doyoung’s hand appeared on his arm and it quickly reached up to take hold of his wrist and pin it to the mattress roughly.

“Yuta! stop it!”

“D-don’t call me that, I’m not-“

Angrily Doyoung removed his blindfold and Yuta stared in shock at Doyoung’s face, the black fabric put down to the mattress carelessly. Doyoung’s eyes took a moment to adjust to the room, which was already pretty dark, but they opened again quickly and found Yuta’s.

And Yuta wished he could disappear. Anything but this. Doyoung’s eyes were looking nothing but worried. Maybe a little shocked as well, since his eyes widened and a frown appeared. Maybe this was universe’s revenge.

“Why?” Doyoung suddenly said and Yuta couldn’t keep looking in his crush’s worried eyes. “Why are you crying?”

“I’m sorry for ruining it,” Yuta said as he quickly rubbed his eyes, panic still very much present in his body. He ignored Doyoung. “I fucked up. I’m sorry.”

What he didn’t expect was Doyoung slapping away his hand from his own face. “Hyung, look at me.”

“No, I get it, we can stop or go on, whatever you want. J-just give me a moment,” Yuta said, still not looking at Doyoung. He had never felt so mortified before.

Doyoung softly touched his face and took Yuta’s chin between his fingers to make him face him. Yuta’s eyes widened and he squirmed under his gaze. But Doyoung didn’t back away and kept his dick buried inside of him.

“Hyung, what’s wrong, why are you crying?” Doyoung asked him, more demanding this time.

Yuta let out a breathy laugh. “Fuck off, Dons, get off of me, or put on the fucking blindfold again and shut up. You’re not the only one with unrequited feelings.”

A silence.

Yuta saw the shocked expression on Doyoung’s face as he realized what the comment implied. It was quickly replaced by an angry frown. And as Doyoung pulled completely out of him, Yuta couldn’t help but think that was how it was supposed to be. Back to their love-hate relationship, with more hate than love. The love being caring about each other in a way only friends do.

The empty feeling in his ass was nothing compared to the emptiness in his gut.

“You’re a fucking idiot, Yuta,” Doyoung suddenly gritted out. “Why? W-why would you do this if you-? I don’t get you, I don’t get you at all!” Yuta’s legs fell down on the mattress and Doyoung was now sitting on his knees on the bed, looking at him as if he had lost his mind.

“It’s okay. What else is new, really?” Yuta said monotonously, but softly, his voice sounding foreign to even his own ears. He had to turn his head away from the prying look from his friend.

Doyoung hit the mattress with his fist. “Stop that! Fucking stop the act. Stop acting like you don’t care. You- You’re fucking crying, how can I-“

“I love you.”

Yuta didn’t look at Doyoung as he said it, instead he closed his eyes. The gasp that was pulled out of his crush was a bitter reminder of his stupidity. “All this time, I’ve been in love with you.”

When Yuta turned his head to Doyoung the other had such an angry and hurt expression on his face that he couldn’t help but feel guilt ripple through him. “I’m sorry.”

“How,” Doyoung barely got the words over his tongue, “how could you just-“

“Lie to you?” Yuta interrupted him. “I’m sorry. You needed this. You keep looking at him like you want him so bad, you needed to get it out of your system. You needed this to move on and-”

“No,” Doyoung said angrily and Yuta was totally shocked as Doyoung gripped his arm and pulled him upright. It hurt, but it was okay.

“No, I mean how could you do this to yourself. Why are you hurting yourself? Do you think that’s what I want?” his words were full of passion and Yuta felt tears sting his eyes. Doyoung continued. “I- I wanted to do this, because I thought you- you were okay with it, but you’re not, you’re obviously not.” And Doyoung shook his head. They were both sitting and Yuta didn’t like how close they were at this moment. He really wanted to stand up and just leave.

“Let me go.” He said.

“No, you have no idea how angry I am right now. You lied to me, to yourself. For what? Me? I’m not worth that. All this time, all this time you’ve been hurting and I didn’t know.” A breathy laugh. “And I kept nagging to you about unrequited love…”

“I never meant for you to find out,” Yuta shot back. “And… you  _are_  worth it. I judged this wrongly, but I couldn’t turn back once I started I-“

All of a sudden he found himself pulled against Doyoung’s chest strongly and arms wrapped around his naked form. It was warm and it was exactly what he needed. It was also something he didn’t want. The lump in his throat became more prominent. He drew himself back from Doyoung’s embrace, who didn’t exactly let him go.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” The younger whispered. Their noses were touching. 

“Tell you what? That I’m in love with you?” Yuta whispered back incredulously with a strained voice, “Why didn’t you just tell Taeyong then?”

Doyoung closed his eyes for a moment and if he wasn’t holding him so tightly at the moment, Yuta would’ve stood up and walked away. When Doyoung’s eyes opened again, it was a mistake to look right into them, because his friend’s eyes were pinning him into place and he was unable to look away. It wasn’t necessarily his looks that Yuta fell for, rather his understanding and patient personality. His intelligence, his hard-working, sacrificing nature that suited him so well. But in this moment Doyoung looked unfairly gorgeous. His eyes shining with tears of frustration, his black hair plastered to his sweaty forehead. His chest still heaving a little, lips plump from earlier make-out sessions…

“I’m so sorry, Yuta.”

And that was it. The hard rejection that he had been expecting, but that still punched the air out of his chest. Yuta struggled. He wanted out, out of this room, away from this boy that meant so much to him.

A hand cupped his face and then Doyoung was kissing him. tenderly, lovingly. Just like he had done the first time when he had been acting like Taeyong. He was pushed back on the mattress again, Doyoung’s weight making them sink into the covers.

Yuta didn’t understand. He didn’t understand anything. but he couldn’t refuse the warmth that was Doyoung, who was now slowly spreading his legs once again, lifting them up. The hands were firm on his body, with a new found resolve, and the touches burned.

And then Doyoung entered him once again, quickly, in one go. And Yuta’s eyes shot open along with his mouth as his hands shot to Doyoung’s shoulders and gripped the flesh tightly. The way Doyoung’s mouth moved was the total opposite of the rest of his body as his hips snapped up sharply again and again. It was so overwhelming. The emotions, the sudden pleasure, that Yuta felt like he was losing it.

Finally Yuta turned his head away from the kiss, his hands grabbing the sheets tightly. He tried to catch his breath as he felt ugly tears run over his nose and cheek. “Stop it, you don’t want this, you love Taeyong.”

There was another thrust, a more gentle one, and Yuta whimpered as he felt Doyoung’s cock fill him up completely, touching all the right places snug between his walls.

“Then this time I’ll love you,” Doyoung said as he kissed his neck. “Tonight we’re just fucked up, tonight I’ll forget about Taeyong for you.”

Yuta started crying.

He honestly didn’t want to, but he couldn’t help but let out silent sobs as Doyoung caressed his cheek again. His body was shaking because of not letting the painful sounds out, and most of all he felt embarrassed. He had never wanted to fall so hard. But every time he tried to ignore his feelings, Doyoung did something that made him just fall a little deeper.

He wanted this to be the moment to fall out of love, but instead Doyoung was loving him back. And even if it was in a forced way, a borderline sick way, because technically you can’t just stop loving one person and harbor feelings for another, still Yuta  _felt_ Doyoung trying.

“I-I hate to see you cry,” Doyoung said with a half moan as he buried his face in Yuta’s neck, his nails digging in the back of Yuta’s thighs as he was practically bended in half. “I’m so sorry, I should’ve never asked this of you. It’s unfair to you, to Taeyong, to me.”

“Oh god Doyoung!” Yuta moaned loudly as his prostate was hit and he arched his back into Doyoung's chest.

“You’re so pretty, Yuta-hyung.”

“D-don’t you dare-“

“You’re beautiful.”  And Yuta didn’t think it was possible, but Doyoung’s cock reached even deeper inside of him and he felt so overwhelmed with pleasure, it was maddening. He trashed under the weight of his crush, pushing on his chest, trying to lift his hips. His heart was beating fast at the comment, since it was a compliment he had always wanted to receive.

“I-I’m close, hyung.” And the moans Doyoung breathed out in his neck went straight to Yuta’s already leaking cock.

“Me too,” Yuta whispered breathlessly, his eyes turning to slits as he let Doyoung rock their bodies together. He stopped the trashing, just let the pleasure wash all over him. He felt his orgasm approaching rapidly as his own cock rubbed against Doyoung’s stomach with each thrust.

“I’m sorry I’m not- Fuck! I’m not him.”

Doyoung said nothing but kissed him instead. Deeply, with open mouth. Tongues clashed, twisted around desperately, trying to convince each other that this was what they both wanted at the moment, even if it was for neither.

Yuta sounds became needier and higher in pitch as the bundle of nerves inside of him was hit every time. Quickly he covered Doyoung’s eyes with his hand.

“Yuta, don’t-“

But Yuta silenced him with a kiss. a softer one.

“D-Dongyoungie, you make me feel so good.” And he tried to put on his best Taeyong impersonation he could do. And with a cry Doyoung came inside of him, hard, ruthless against his prostate. He didn’t call a name, but Yuta knew if he had, that it wouldn’t have been his. The face Doyoung made was the hottest thing he’d ever seen, and so, somewhere between Doyoung’s irregular thrusts to ride out his orgasm, Yuta came as well.

It felt like falling from the edge of a cliff and Yuta scrunched his eyes shut, pushing his head back in the pillow with force, spreading his legs a little wider as he released his seed over their stomachs. The intensity of his orgasm made his toes curl and Japanese curses leave his mouth in a mantra. Yuta whined as Doyoung pulled out while he was still experiencing the aftershocks of his orgasm, and as Yuta’s hole clenched on air another few times after his legs had fallen back to their original position, he felt cold even if Doyoung was still practically on top of him.

When Yuta came back from his high, he felt something wet fall on his cheek. As his eyes fluttered open, the last thing he had expected was to see Doyoung’s tears.

“Why did you do that?” The latter said, his voice breaking in between the words, “I wasn’t thinking about him! I tried so hard not to, for you!”

Yuta reached for Doyoung’s face and removed his tears.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” More tears.

Yuta put his other hand on Doyoung’s other cheek. “Shut up and stop crying. It’s o-kay. I don’t want you to-“

“Yuta!” it was said in such a way that Yuta immediately stopped talking. Doyoung continued, his teary eyes shining with determination that Yuta couldn’t help but find incredibly attractive. “For once, just listen to me! I might not love you the way I love Taeyong, but I care about you more than you probably think. Do you really think I would be so disgusted to actually sleep with you? Yes, I admit, all the other times I thought about  _him_ , but it’s not the similarity you have with him that made me do all of this, it’s because I trust you enough.”

Yuta’s heart was racing at the honest words, but before he could say anything Doyoung started talking again.

“I have honestly no idea why you’re in love with me. Like, you harboring the same feelings for me as I do for Taeyong seems almost impossible. But I’m so so flattered and you know what. No, I’m not in love with you, but fuck, I want to at least try.”

“D-do-“

“Because you were right, Taeyong is straight. I have no chance with him. Never going to happen. But you  _are_ here. You’re a pain in the ass, who wants to make me curse every minute, but you’re also someone who means a lot to me. So I think I deserve a chance to at least try to love you back.”

Then softer. “Just let it go for once.”

And Yuta did just that as he rolled them over and pressed his lips against Doyoung’s, this time showing  _him_ all of his own feelings and pent-up frustration. Their tears mixed, but Yuta still felt a little at peace.

Rejection hurt, but Doyoung was trying to mend both their broken hearts with honesty and affection.

The things that made Yuta fall in love with him in the first place

* * *

 

_“You lost weight, why didn’t I notice before? Geez, hyung, I can count your ribs.”_

_Yuta huffed, burying his head a little deeper in the pillow and enjoying the warmth of Doyoung’s arm around his waist. They were still a little sweaty, but Yuta actually liked it like that. it felt more intimate that way._

_“You have no idea how hard being Taeyong is,” he responded while playing with the edge of the sheets they were lying under._

_The arms around him tightened._

_“I can kill you right now. Don’t do this anymore. Not for me and surely not for anybody else. Ever.”_

_Yuta hummed. “Yes mum I’ll remember it.” But he smiled nonetheless. It felt nice like this. It wasn’t perfect, but it was good enough. The butterflies were flying free inside his stomach, not being held back by bitterness, nor emptiness._

_That night while having sex, Doyoung had called his name and it had been genuine. Finally he was the one on his mind. And love or not, Yuta was just..._

_Content._

_Happy._

* * *

 

They lasted two weeks. But it had been the best two weeks of Yuta's life and he thought back to them with a warm and pleasant feeling. Doyoung had tried to love him and boy he did. There were more days they had sex than not. One day they were even caught making out against the kitchen counter by a wide-eyed Taeyong, which made Doyoung hesitate for a few seconds before connecting their lips once again. Taeyong had apologized and quickly left the room with a white face. Yuta remembered feeling on top of the world at the meaningful gesture.

No, Doyoung was not over Taeyong, but he was trying to get over him and Yuta was the start of that. And heck yeah he was proud of it.

Eventually he had broken their ‘thing’ off himself, knowing that Doyoung would never really love him the way he did, but he was surprisingly cool with it. The last two weeks had felt like some sort of closure and where he had expected he would get addicted to Doyoung’s affection, he liked going back to being friends as well and experiencing a more honest relationship.

(with sometimes a peck on the lips and some handholding. No way Yuta was complaining)

They were opposites and opposites attract. Sometimes it made you hate each other’s guts, sometimes it made you complement each other in ways you never expected. It made Yuta fall in love and it made Doyoung have a friend for life.

Yuta was shaken out of his thoughts at a loud sound on the television. He blinked a few times and looked down at the screen of the phone in his hand. His eyes skimmed over the messages he had received not even a minute ago.

 **Hansol:** _Hey Yuta, it might sound weird but are you free this Saturday? I really want to get to know you better… We could go watch a movie at my place and if you want you can even sleep over._

 **Hansol _:_ ** _If I wasn’t obvious enough, I’m asking you out on a date x_

With a soft smile he laid the phone next to him on the couch.

“Who was that?” Doyoung asked while nibbling on a pocky stick coated with chocolate. Yuta, who was sitting with his legs draped over both Taeyong’s and Doyoung’s laps, teasingly put one of his feet against Doyoung’s cheek. It was swatted away with an annoyed sigh and Yuta let himself lean against the armrest of the couch with a content smile.

“No one.”

“Sounds very convincing,” Taeyong said amusingly.

Yuta put his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. “Hmm whatever… don’t count me in for dinner this Saturday.”

He couldn't see it, but Doyoung was smiling.

**Author's Note:**

> So that was it! I hope you enjoyed it a little? Kudos and comments are highly appreciated;)  
> I tried to use a different writing style than usual, but it didn't really work lmaoXD I'm so sorry for all the melodrama LOL  
> Thank you so much for reading<3 Updates on other fics will follow soon (I hope)  
> edit: This was written before Taeyong got piercings :')
> 
> ~honEy D | [my twitter](https://twitter.com/softyukkuri)


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